Most people who walk into my office asking about EMDR have already done some research. They’ve read the clinical descriptions. They know it stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. They’ve seen the phrase “bilateral stimulation” enough times that it almost sounds normal.
But what they really want to know is: What does it actually feel like to do it?
That’s a fair question, and one that clinical descriptions rarely answer. So let me try.
What Is EMDR, Really?
At its core, EMDR is a way to help your brain finish processing something it got stuck on.
Here’s the simplest way I explain it to clients: When you go through something distressing, your brain is supposed to file that experience away: process it, make sense of it, store it as a memory. But sometimes the experience is too overwhelming, too fast, or too much for your system to handle. When that happens, the memory doesn’t get filed properly. It stays raw. Unprocessed. Stuck in the present tense.
That’s why a car backfiring can make you hit the ground ten years after you left a combat zone. It’s why a certain tone of voice can make you feel like a terrified child again, even though you’re a competent adult. Your brain isn’t being dramatic. It’s stuck.
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (guided eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones that alternate between the left and right sides) to help your brain reprocess those stuck memories. The goal isn’t to erase anything. It’s to help your brain do what it was always trying to do: file the memory properly so it stops hijacking your present.
If you want the full clinical breakdown, I’ve written a more detailed guide on my EMDR therapy specialty page. But this post is about the experience of what it’s like to be in the chair.
What Happens During an EMDR Session?
Every EMDR session is different, but here’s the general shape of a processing session (not the first appointment; we spend time preparing before we start processing).
We begin by checking in. How has your week been? Anything come up since last time? Then we identify the memory or experience we’re going to work on. I’ll ask you to bring the memory to mind, not to relive it in detail, but to hold it lightly, like noticing it’s there.
Then the bilateral stimulation starts. For most of my clients, this means following my fingers as they move back and forth. Some people prefer tapping (I tap alternately on each of your hands or knees) or auditory tones through headphones. There’s no “best” method. It’s about what feels right for you.
We do this in short sets, usually thirty seconds to a minute. Then we pause. I ask what you noticed: thoughts, feelings, body sensations, images, whatever came up. You share what you’re comfortable sharing. Then we do another set.
That’s it. That’s the basic rhythm: focus, process, check in. Focus, process, check in.
Does It Actually Work?
Yes. And I don’t say that lightly.
EMDR is one of the most researched psychotherapy treatments in the world. The World Health Organization recommends it. The American Psychological Association endorses it. The Department of Veterans Affairs uses it. There are decades of controlled studies showing it works for PTSD, and growing evidence for its effectiveness with anxiety, depression, grief, phobias, and chronic pain.
But research aside, I’ve seen it work in my office hundreds of times. I’ve watched people who came in carrying decades of pain walk out holding the same memories, but with the charge gone. The memory is still there. It just doesn’t run the show anymore.
That doesn’t mean it works the same way for everyone, or that it’s the right fit for every person and every situation. It means I’ve seen enough to trust the process deeply, and I’ll be honest with you if I think something else might serve you better.
Who Is EMDR Good For?
EMDR was originally developed for people with PTSD, and that’s still where the strongest evidence is. But over the years, clinicians and researchers have found that it helps with a much wider range of struggles:
- Trauma and PTSD: single-incident events like accidents, assaults, or natural disasters, as well as complex or developmental trauma from childhood
- Anxiety, especially when it’s tied to specific memories or experiences that created a template of fear
- Grief and loss: particularly when grief feels “stuck” or when a loss is complicated by trauma or unresolved conflict
- Depression, especially when it’s rooted in negative beliefs about yourself that formed early (“I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlovable,” “Nothing I do matters”)
- Phobias and performance anxiety: the kind where you can trace the fear back to a specific origin
- Attachment wounds: for people who grew up without consistent emotional safety and carry that into their adult relationships
The common thread is this: if there’s a distressing experience (or set of experiences) underneath what you’re struggling with, EMDR can often help your brain resolve it in a way that talk therapy alone sometimes can’t.
What Does It Feel Like?
This is the question everyone really wants answered, and it’s the hardest to answer because the experience varies so much from person to person, and even from session to session.
Here’s what I hear most often from my clients:
“It felt like watching a movie.” Many people describe the experience of processing as observing the memory from a slight distance, rather than being inside it. The memory plays, but you’re watching rather than reliving. That distance tends to increase as the processing continues.
“Things just started connecting.” EMDR doesn’t follow a linear, logical path. Your brain makes associations. It might jump from the target memory to a childhood experience to a conversation you had last week to a feeling in your chest. This is normal and productive. Your brain is doing exactly what it needs to do.
“I felt it in my body.” Trauma lives in the body, and EMDR surfaces that. You might feel tightness in your chest, heat in your face, heaviness in your limbs, butterflies in your stomach. These sensations usually shift and release during processing. When they do, people often describe feeling physically lighter, like something that was clenched finally let go.
“It was harder than I expected”, and also “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” Both are common, sometimes from the same person. Some sessions feel intense. Others feel surprisingly gentle. Neither means it isn’t working. The brain processes what it’s ready to process, in the order it needs to.
“I felt tired afterward.” Processing takes energy. Many clients feel fatigued after a session, emotionally and sometimes physically. I always recommend giving yourself some buffer time after an EMDR appointment rather than jumping straight back into a packed schedule.
“I dreamed more than usual.” Increased vivid dreaming is one of the most common between-session effects. It’s a sign that your brain is continuing to process even after the session ends. It usually settles within a day or two.
What It Doesn’t Feel Like
EMDR is not hypnosis. You’re not in a trance. You’re awake, aware, and in control the entire time. You can stop at any moment. You can open your eyes. You can say “I need a break.” You are always the one in charge.
It also isn’t about me interpreting your experience or telling you what you should feel. My job is to create the conditions for your brain to do its own healing. I guide the process, but your brain does the work.
How Do You Know If EMDR Is Right for You?
If you’ve been in talk therapy and made some progress but feel like something is still stuck, especially if it’s emotional, physical, or reactive in a way that thinking and insight don’t seem to reach, EMDR might be worth exploring.
If you’ve avoided therapy because you’re afraid of having to talk about painful experiences in detail, EMDR might actually be a relief. You don’t need to narrate the whole story. You just need to be willing to notice what comes up.
And if you’ve never tried therapy at all and you’re looking for something effective and evidence-based, EMDR is one of the strongest options available.
The best way to find out is to have a conversation about it. No pressure, no commitment, just an honest discussion about what you’re dealing with and whether EMDR makes sense for you.
Book a free 15-minute consultation and let’s figure it out together.